Saturday, December 17, 2011 5:11 PM
I have been trying to keep up with a few blogs lately, seeing how people blog and as a reader, I feel what they are trying to express in the blog. Miss those times whereby I'll do nothing at home and no matter how late, I'll spend time on blogging.
But what kept me from blogging again is because I know, noone will bother reading this. At most they'll just read and judge, not read and feel. However, think twice and I realized, who cares? It's my blog. Better if they judge, this way, I know who shall stay and who to chase them out of my life. Who's worth and who's not.
It's been a month plus, going two, since my sunshine left my world. We ended abruptly. Fake relationship went on in my life and I decided to play. But that lasted for th first few weeks after my sunshine's gone. Soon, I sort out that I just wanna be myself.
This breakup made me have a much serious soft hearted character. I forgive people even though I know they'll take it for granted. I started loving everyone more, and as usual, I love my baby dog the most. Because She's th only one who'll stay no matter what.
I started my first time clubbing experience on my exact birthday. It was pretty good when it's with th awesome people. But chaos on the second time. Didn't even get in there. So, it's kinda like th first time still. I'll be going again tonight after work. Still, to tired myself out and avoid thinking about my sunshine.
I have been working alot recently. Staying in th west but working at the east. Extreme west and extreme east, I shall say. There's a reason behind it still.
I begin to realize, no matter we're together or not, I still do things with reasons regarding you. Like, sunshine, when are you going to get out of my life totally??
I see that you're living your life happily. I didn't want to do anything because I once said, as long as you're happy. I too didn't forget th part when I tell you that you can't find another one who loves you more than I do, and I still mean it.
I learnt to love myself more and people around me too. I guess that's the best lesson I've learnt. Th rest, it's up to th other party to either appreciate or take it for granted. Same for reciprocate.
It's gonna be th end of 2011 soon. I've made a bucketlist for this year. Have yet started because I intend to do it near 31st. And I'll make sure that I'll finish it at or before 31st December 2011, 23:59.
God have been loving me more than before. For everytime I'm sad, I realize someone or something appears to make me smile. I swear. Or maybe it's just me knowing how to realize and love who or whatever that loves me.
I'm still trying to pick myself up. I'm still avoiding tears for my sunshine. I'm still making random wishes at every given chance I have in hand. Wishing pond, self proclaim or not, wishing sticks, 11:11 or many more. And all of them, still has you inside. But not a wish regarding me. Made wishes for others like before. All I hope is that it'll all come true. Three of th wishes came true. For sunshine and my two friends. I'm glad. But also, waiting for mine to happen.
Couldn't ask for more. Just wish that I'll forget th unhappy things in life, forget about you and start my own new life. With a guy worth anything, everything.
Sunshine, I hope you're taking good care of yourself. And sure I hope she's th right one for you. Last as long as possible. I'm here, as usual.
